She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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