There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
