Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
