a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
