Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
