what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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