She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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