My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
