I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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