It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
