..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
