Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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