I just threw up on my dentist
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
