I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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