Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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