I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
