i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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