I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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