i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
