Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
