hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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