Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
