i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We are two peas in an std pod
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
