That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
