You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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