Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
