I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
