you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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