Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can Purell be used as lube?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
