I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
