she was so not down for the gang bang
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
