update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
