it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
