WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
