Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
