i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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