At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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