Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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