i think i have two assholes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
