i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
