So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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