he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
