can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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