What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
