'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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