Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry cwtrigun hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

Fav 3 1399 2228
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

Fav 5 972 2449
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

(860): View more from Connecticut

but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

(860): View more from Connecticut

but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

Fav 42 3055 1389
share tweet
(337): View more from Louisiana

I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?

Fav 27 6456 1092
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?

Fav 22 3162 995
share tweet
(864): View more from South Carolina

Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself

Fav 66 7098 1507
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(309): View more from Illinois

I'd suck anything for a pizza right now

Fav 42 5698 2013
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.

Fav 9 2043 1207
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(330): View more from Ohio

I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"

Fav 0 83 74
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT