They should really pass out barf bags in church
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
