the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
