I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
