We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
