nut hugger
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
