Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
