I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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