walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
