my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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