Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
