Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
