I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
