Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
