Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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