In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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