I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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