I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
