i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
