My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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