I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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