we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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