I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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