I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
