Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
kristin has been a bad kristin
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
