I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
