Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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