now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
