Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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