Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So much Jack, so little girl.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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