is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
