she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
